While I am far from being an etiquette expert I have had a few experiences over the past couple of months which had me thinking it would be reasonable to write a post about handling sensitive personal situations in a business setting. I’m not talking about the usual sexual harassment by the water-cooler stuff you can read about all day long but rather the less frequent situations that crop up and can leave us uncertain about what to do. Over the past couple of months I have had one client loose a family member to a fatal accident, another client have one of their partners pass away and my own business partners have a baby.
First off, it’s important to remember that these situations, good or bad, are stressful for everyone so people might act a little out of character or say things that they otherwise would not. For a time, it’s generally best to let it go. I’m not suggesting you should put up with someone who is abusive about it, even in tough times, but a little empathy will go a long way and you can always address it later. Put yourself in their shoes and it will be easy to make the short term adjustment. It’s also important to remember, because we do sometimes forget in business circles, that we are all human, and that tough-as-nails client is likely to be just a devastated as you would be when loosing someone close.
It’s never inappropriate to send condolences to someone who has experienced a tragedy or congratulations to someone who has experienced something positive. Flowers are always a safe bet during times of grief and if someone is taking up a collection for the family a small donation is thoughtful. We recently had to figure out “how much” was appropriate and while there is no one-size-fits-all answer I’d suggest that anything from $25 – $100 is safe. My gut tells me that unless you know the family extremely well more than $100 might seem ostentatious. Cards are always good but a simple email is also appropriate in a business setting.
I also tend to feel it’s a good practice to send someone a congratulatory card or gift if they experience a promotion or particular success. A card and modest bottle of Champagne or wine is nice. If you’re not sure they drink, something small but business oriented can be useful (engraved business card holder for example). The easiest way to get ideas is to pay close attention to people in social situations and make note of their preferences. It’s as good a business practice as it is a personal one. And if someone sends you condolences or congratulations, take the time to say thank you.
For ideas on how to better communicate in these situations take a look at a few resources online:
Proper Business Etiquette: http://www.squidoo.com/businessetiquette#module3845065
Great list of Etiquette Links: http://www.sideroad.com/Business_Etiquette/index.html
About Scott Ellis
